I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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