I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
