Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
