4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
