Cold hands, warm shart.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
