Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
