You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
