I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
