Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
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I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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