So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
