My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
