dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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