it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
