Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Vodka?
Forever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
