She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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