Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
