Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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