When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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