Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The air taste purple.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
