it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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