One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
