he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
