hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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