I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
