gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
