worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
