Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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