Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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