There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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