blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
