Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
