I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
