i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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