Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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