Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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