I wanna passion pit in your ass
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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