My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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