Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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