ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
