Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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