yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
