Your face is a jimmy john
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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