I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
