someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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