I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
