I cannot find my penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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