it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
