Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
