Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
