my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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