i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
