So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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