She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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