I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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