i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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