I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
