There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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