I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
