i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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