so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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