how can u be prego again
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
