It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
