There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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