I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
