Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
