i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
