talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
