Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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