WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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