ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
