i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
