i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
