You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
