apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
