So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
