Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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