Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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