i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
