Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize