We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
tell me about the eggs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
