In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
