I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
