So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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